Where is God When Your Fears Overwhelm You

I have a problem with fear and anxiety. I've had it since I was in first grade. As a kid I would be paralyzed with fear, and some days it was so bad, I couldn't go to school.

As an adult, it affects me every day of my life. I think about my fear and my anxiety and I let my brain imagine worse case scenarios too often.

If this were a confessional, I would be telling you every detail of my fears, panic attacks and the root cause. But since this is a blog, I will share the basics so you get the idea.

When I was 7, I got a stomach virus. My mom was out of town and I was home with my dad. I remember this event vividly. After I started to get better, my dad caught the bug from me. And when he became physically ill, he was very loud. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do and was sure he was dying. I called my grandmother and asked her to come and get me and told her my daddy was dying.

Although he was not dying, this event scarred me. As a counselor recently told me, it was like a 220-volt event in my little 9-volt brain. Since that event I have had an extreme phobia of vomit. It is embarrassing to tell you this to say the least. As an adult and since I have had two of my own children, you can imagine this fear has only gotten worse. For a long time I didn't understand why I couldn't even be in the same house with my own sick child and why I would have panic attacks anytime they were sick. But after counseling I came to the root of my fear - death of a loved one, specifically one of my kids or my husband.

I think it is safe to say most people's worst fear is losing the people they are closest to. While I can rationalize that vomit does not equal death, I can't seem to shut off that switch in my brain that tells me otherwise.

But God is good and has been dealing with this problem I have lovingly, gently and somewhat radically. There have been many things during the past couple of years that have convinced me that God wants to heal me, but the past two weeks have it looking like He is ready for me to deal with this NOW.

Two weeks ago, I actually met someone who has the same phobia that I do. And it isn't that she is bothered or really doesn't like it. She, too, has panic attacks and basically shuts down when one of her children or her husband vomits. It was the first time I could look someone in the eye and feel like they could truly understand. Although my closest friends and husband are very understanding and loving, it is impossible for them to understand this problem. But my new friend can. And I really needed that. It made me feel a little less crazy.

And then last week, in a two day span, the reality of loss hit close to me. A family from our church lost their 21-month-old son and another friend lost her husband. It was my worst fears realized by these other people.

This healthy, beautiful boy died very unexpectedly. The tragedy could not be any worse for this family. He was their only child.

My other friend who I attended Bible study with lost her husband in a military helicopter crash in Iraq. He went off to war and will never come home. She has three young boys and now is a widow. Her husband was only 37.

As you can imagine, any loss is traumatic, but such sudden, unexpected losses are my worst fear. God was able to use these horrible tragedies to speak to me profoundly.

I attended the celebration of life service this weekend for the little baby who died. The two things that struck me the most were the unexplainable grief his parents were experiencing. I was deeply affected by listening to their sobs and deep breaths as they entered the funeral to see a church full of people who cared about them.

The other thing that happened that I will carry with me forever is beautiful. A choir that the little boy who died loved came and sang at the service. Their first song was just after the eulogy of a 21-month-old. There was deep sadness all across the auditorium. But when the choir sang, they worshipped God with an upbeat emotional song.

Immediately when they began, the father of this little boy jumped to his feet and began to clap along with the music. The mom stood immediately, too, and then the rest of the hundreds of mourners followed. As I watched this dad, he was praising God. His head was raised, his body was light and he actually was smiling as he worshipped His creator.

In that moment, God spoke to me. What I was witnessing was true joy in the Lord. Despite the most horrible grief anyone could experience, this father went from barely able being able to breathe to worshipping God with joy. God promised me at that moment that if I were to ever lose someone I loved, that despite the grief I, too, would have joy in the Lord.

It is no coincidence of the timing of these two tragedies. While they are not related, God related them to me. He is lovingly and gently dealing with my fears be promising me that He is in control.

I know I have a choice in bad times. I can either fall apart or fall into the arms of the Lord. I feel like for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I would fall into His arms. While I know I will still be battling anxiety, I have reassurance now that even if the worst happened and all my fears were realized, I could be OK. Not OK with the loss, but OK with God's provision and love.

God promises us to work things out for our good when we love Him. He promises us that HE has a plan for our lives and it is a good plan not for harm. He promises us that He is the author of our destiny. He promises us that if we believe in Him and receive His salvation, we will have an eternity with Him in Heaven.

I believe God is who he says He is and He is a God who always keeps His promises. I believe He can get us through anything if we let Him.

As I pray for these families who have been devastated by tragedy, I will pray that they can look to these very promises for comfort and healing.

Where is God When ... Grace is Needed

I have only been a Christian for about 8 years. In many ways, when I crossed over the line of faith I was sold out, totally committed, wholly devoted to Christianity and its mission (Matthew 28:19-20). But it wasn't until about 2 1/2 years ago that I truly began to grow in my faith.

And when that happened, something else happened to me, too. As a part of my new-found convictions, I began to have this growing disease lurking under the surface. Most people couldn't see it. But judgment lurked.

As a person, I am a love everybody type of girl. But as a believer I began to grow a chip on my shoulder - as many Christians do. My close friends saw it. I started to impose my convictions on their decisions. And as much as I tried to fight that feeling, and as much as I tried to convince myself that it was a personal conviction and I wasn't judging others, it turns out that I have been.

That ugly picture of myself was never more clear than it has been this week. For whatever reason, through circumstances in my family, in my friendships and in my Bible study, God has been pointing out my judgment and hypocrisy.

You see I know I am not better than everyone else. I know I am a sinner just like the rest of us. And I know that God has forgiven me. My problem is that I forget my depravity until God smacks me with it between my eyes.

The smack down for me came as I was praying in the shower this week. I asked God to remind me of a time that my sin was public and out there for all to see. (I have plenty of personal and private sin that only a few see, and I have sin that only God sees. But I was looking for something pretty public.)

Within a millisecond God reminded me of something that I am still ashamed of that I did several years ago, before I had children, but a couple of years after I gave my life to him.

I was coaching a little boys under-12 soccer team. We had all kinds of boys on the team, some talented, some who were out to have fun, some that went through the motions because their parents signed them up and one little boy who had never played before and most assuredly wouldn't play again.

He was a sweet little boy who had never played sports. He was a little slow and awkward, but he worked really hard. He always tried his hardest in whatever he did. And even though his work ethic was great, his talent wasn't.

So when our little team went to an end-of-the-season tournament, he was so excited. He had never played in a tournament before and probably wouldn't again. He was fired up and felt like he had hit the big time, which he most definitely had.

I loved this little boy. I had a special place in my heart for him. So when I went to check in our team and noticed at the last minute that his name was not on the roster, I chose to not tell the registrar. I knew this boy had joined late and we probably picked up the wrong roster. And I had not looked at it before then (which was my FIRST mistake).

I didn't think it would be a problem. No one had ever checked our rosters before, so I wasn't concerned. Until right before our first game started. A tournament official appeared with the roster. And I panicked.

My heart raced, I started sweating and I made a terrible decision. I chose to lie and tell the official that this little boy was another little boy who was on the roster but not at the tournament.

And then I made another more terrible decision. I told this innocent boy to give a false name. I asked a 10 year old to lie to cover up my mistake.

I still feel shame about this. It is hard for me to write it. But God showed it to me this week for a reason, and part of that reason is to share it with you.

As the official walked down the line, and my stomach began to turn, this sweet little boy gave a false name. He must have been as bad of a liar as I am. She saw through him. Her suspicion caused her to ask his birth date, which he gave, but it wasn't the birth date of the boy whose name he gave.

I crumbled into a sobbing mess of I'm sorries, shame, humiliation and self-loathing. I managed to tell the official what happened through a broken language of cries and apologies. And then I had to apologize to my boys and tell them to NEVER do what I just had done. I was wrong.

AND THEN I HAD TO TELL THEIR PARENTS WHAT I HAD DONE. I made the longest walk I had ever made to the sidelines to explain to them what had happened. I also had to explain to this little boy's dad that he wouldn't be able to play in the game, or the rest of the tournament unless we got a new roster.

I still feel the knot in my stomach that I had that day. I was unable to regain my composure through the entire game. I couldn't talk to the parents because I was crying. The little boy didn't play and we lost. It was a completely horrible experience.

Another dad on my team drove an hour to pick up a correct roster so the left-out little guy could play, which he did the rest of the tournament. The parents took my defense and immediately forgave me. They believed the best in me and knew that my mistake didn't make who I am.

But the story doesn't end there. I got sent to soccer court. The state soccer association put me on trial to see if I needed to be suspended for my actions that day. I received a certified letter and was allowed to bring people to testify in my defense. It was a humbling experience to say the least. I had to go through a trial and ask parents from the team to act as character witnesses on my behalf even though the mistake I made deserved swift and harsh punishment. I could have had my coaching license revoked and they could have never allowed me to coach again.

I was "convicted" and sentenced to "time already served." I was suspended for a short time when I wouldn't be coaching anyway. I deserved that and more, but I was shown grace.

I was shown grace by the courts, by the parents of my players and by the players. I was shown grace by my sweet husband who supported me through it. And I was shown grace by God. He forgave me for my sin.

And even though my mistake is on my "record" in the Oklahoma Soccer Association office, it's off the record in God's book. He forgave and forgot. Isn't that what we all hope for? Forgiveness and forgetfulness?

And while the people who knew about my mistake could have decided that I was a liar, they also seemed to forget my mistake. They believed the best in me and didn't see me as a liar who was finally found out, but a person who made a big mistake. And it was a mistake they chose not to define me by.

Although many years have passed and I have my own children now, I have not forgotten that very public mistake I made. And it reminds me that my attitude of judgment is complete hypocrisy. Why should I think anyone is any different than I am? We are all sinners and God says all sin is the same. So whether I asked a 10 year old to lie or I robbed a bank, the sin is the same to God. And it is all equally forgiven when we ask for God's forgiveness.

Now my sin is judgment. And I know it has grieved God.

God, forgive me for judging and forgive me for not realizing it until now. Thank you for reminding me not to judge a person by their mistakes like I wasn't judged by mine. I know you love us all the same and forgive us all the same. I know that you are the only judge, the only court that matters. And you are a judge that erases our mistakes, even when we have to pay the earthly consequences. Thank you for loving me in spite of me. Amen.

Where is God When ... You Make Mistakes

My 3 1/2-year-old son, Will, and I went to see my grandmothers this morning at the nursing home where they both live. Although it had been a while since Will had gone, he knew exactly what to do when he got there.

He walked in toting a gerber daisy that I got for one of my grandmothers. He was so proud. "GiGi will be really surprised, won't she, Mamma," he asked on his way in the doors. I assured him that she would.

As we walked to her room, one of the sweet ladies that we always see who isn't always mentally sharp said hello. She started talking about how sweet Will was and how cute she was. She then extended her wrinkled hands in his direction, asking for a hug.

I was afraid of his response, prepared to see a frightened little boy overwhelmed by a stranger. Instead, Will walked up to her, put himself in her arms and even allowed her to kiss his forehead, most assuredly making her day.

When we saw both of my grandmothers - both of his great grandmothers - he was happy and jovial and full of life. He was happy and loving and kissed and hugged them both, which was totally uninitiated by me. As if his funny personality wasn't enough ... now he had me eating out of the palm of his hand with adoration at his thoughtful kindness to people who needed it the most.

Also while we were there, though, Will was somewhat ornery. As you can imagine, it is a funny joke to disobey Mommy when everyone is watching, especially when you are 3 1/2. I told him repeatedly to get out of the dirty floor and to stand up, to which he would fall limp and dissolve in giggles and he lay on the floor. I was no doubt irritated and scolded him.

As we walked out to the the car, he initiated a heart-felt apology.

"Mommy, I'm sorry I did bad things in there," he told me, his hand in mine.

"It's OK, Will. I forgive you. Please just do a better job listening and obeying next time."

"OK, Mommy. I am really sorry. I promise I will be a good boy."

We loaded in the car and took off, headed for the next stop. About 5 minutes into our trip, I started praising Will for his sweet kindness at the nursing home. I told him how proud of him I was that he was so sweet to his GiGi and Gram, and even the other nice lady he didn't know.

"But I did bad things there, Mommy," his little voice said from the back.

"Oh, Will. It's OK. I forgave you for that."

"I know Mommy, but I did bad things. I am really sorry and I promise to be a good boy."

"Will," I said. "I forgave you. It is over. I have forgotten about it. Now let's just remember all the good things you did."

Later I thought of the words Will and I had shared with each other and how similar they are to the words God says to me.

"I'm so sorry God. I disobeyed. I sinned. I fell short of the way you created me. I made a big mistake and I am so sorry."

Although I don't usually hear God's voice aloud, I know His response to me always is, "You are forgiven. It is finished. I have forgotten your sins. They are as far as the East is from the West. Focus on me and all will be well."

But I find myself dwelling on my mistakes and failures. I can't seem to remember the things I have done well. I can't seem to remember my service to God, my family, my friends, my church. I can't seem to remember that God has already forgiven me.

Do you ever find yourself in this situation? Repeatedly apologizing for something you did that YOU can't let go of? If we could only remember that God has forgiven us. He forgave us when He sent His only son to die on a cross for our sins. In John chapter 3 verse 16, it says, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

And just as we love our own children or our own family and are able to forgive them over and over - sometimes for the same thing over and over - God continually forgives us our sins. We do not have to pay the price. Jesus already did that.

Colossians 2:13-14 "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross."

Psalm 103:12 He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Isaiah 43:25 “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again."

Romans 8:1-2 "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."

Romans 8:31-39 "What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Where is God When ... You Dream

Several nights ago, I awoke in the middle of the night greatly disturbed by my dream. It was the worst dream I have ever had. It bothered me so much that I had to have my husband comfort and reassure me.

I haven't been able to shake those images, the words that were spoken and the details of the dream. I couldn't figure it out at first, but as I retold it to a dear friend, God showed me what He meant by the things He let me dream. She suggested I write it out, so here it is.

I was in my childhood home. It was at night and there were many people there, including my husband and my two sons. My parents were there and so were many others who I have previously known and some who I casually know now.

It seemed as if the electricity was out. I was down stairs with most of the women and small children. It had been raining and we were using candles to light our way. I don't remember the topic, but I do remember I had my younger son on my hip. In my dream he was a baby, less than a year old.

My husband, my dad and my oldest son were in the garage, which is down half a story from the rest of my parent's first floor. They were all tinkering, possibly trying to get the electricity back on.

Suddenly the floor shook and a rumble rolled through the house. All the women screamed and the little children cried. The noise came from the garage. Smoke seaped into the house and we could see it, although it was still dark inside. It was clear we needed to leave the house, so as we moved to the front door, I looked to the top landing of the upstairs. A pinkish, red light glowed from the bedrooms, filling the landing. And a black silhoutte of a man hovered inches above the floor. It was evil and I knew it.

I hurried out, very afraid at this point. We made it outside and down the sidewalk and looked for the first time into the garage. A Massavie crater had swalled the floor and all the men and boys inside of the garage. I knew immediately that my husband, my father and my son were in the pit, which seemed to be smoldering.

The women screamed and cried. We knew our men and boys were down there. And we didn't have any idea how to get them back. It was terrifying.

Sirens began to whail as police and rescue workers converged on the scene. I was desperate to find my husband and my dad, but strangely, I never questioned the welfare of my older son.

As I watched in horror a woman whom I knew tapped me on the shoulder. (This is someone I knew from several years ago who I haven't seen or heard from in years and who now lives in another state.) She offered to take my baby and another woman's baby back to her house to care from them. I let her because I knew her to be a caregiver and honest and trustworthy.

As she cradeled my son, I noticed that both he and the other baby were naked.

My dream then shifted and I was now in a large city. It was still nighttime and there were people everywhere. It was busy and I knew I needed to get back to my parent's home. I started trying to find my way, but I didn't know where I was so it made it difficult to get home. I was searching for my husband and my father and trying to find them. I was walking over bridges and through office buildings and going up and down elevators. I was lost.

Again the earth began to shake. This time rubble began to fall off the skyscapers and hit the concrete below. Now I was desperate to find my husband and father. People were screaming and running in all directions. I saw a bridge that I knew I needed to cross if I was going to find them. The bridge was shaking and underneath a giant volcano was erupting. But I had to cross.

Before I went across the bridge, I called my best friend, who lives a days drive away from me now and told her I needed her to come to me. But then I realized that the world was ending. I knew in my head that the world wouldbe over soon. I threw down my phone and went to the bridge.

I saw someone I knew running toward me. They told me that had seen my husband. I began to run. The bridge was swaying and there were no rails on the thin passage, but I ran. I had to find him.

And then I saw him. He had some scratches on his face, but he was ok. I ran to him and we embraced as I sobbed. He was safe. He was ok. I was with him now.

Together we ran back to the house where my mom was waiting for any word on my dad. Men were being brought up in stretchers and some were alive and some were not. There was still no sign of my dad.

I ran to the pit and laid on my stomach and leaned at the waist so I could see below. There were tunnels underground and they were all smoldering. I yelled for my dad, but I did not see him.

I went back up and knew he was lost. And I knew the world was ending. I was sad not to be with my sons, but never feared for them. My husband sat to my left with his arm around me and my mom sat to my right. She had been looking for my dad, too, and was cut and bruised. She still was holding on to the hope that my dad would be found.

I put my arm around her and tried to tell her that it was the end of the world, but she did not believe me. I tried to tell her about Jesus and she wouldn't listen.....

I sat up in bed without finishing my dream and my heart was racing. It was too awful and too painful for me to think about but the dream would not leave my head. I didn't even want to go back to sleep for fear of entering the dream again.

*****

As I was telling my friend about my dream, it was as if God interpreted it for me. There was meaning behind almost every detail.

My Parent's Home: The place I usually dream about when I dream about being "home." It is a place of safety and refuge inmy dreams.

Darkness: The lack of light represented evil.

Women upstairs/men downstairs: This represented the men in our lives who try to fix everything for us and care for us. The women represented the world.

The red light and man's silhoutte at the top of the stairs: This has a very specific meaning to me, but generally, this represented evil to the inth degree, satan.

The pit: This represented hell.

The babies: The young children and babies represented innocence, especially the two naked babies. (The second baby was the child of a acquaintance of mine who I do not believe is a Christian, yet her child was still innocent because of his age.)

My older son: At first I was confused why I wasn't concerned for the welfare of my older son, but it is because I knew that he was safe. I knew that if he died, there was no question in my mind that he would be in heaven.

My parents: Neither of my parents have accepted Christ as their Lord and personal saviors. My dad entered the pit and he was not to return. My mom didn't, but I couldn't get through to her at the end of my dream.

My husband: My husband has only become a Christian in the last year, so although he was at first "in the pit" he eneded up safe on the outside, or safe with an assurance of eternity with God in heaven. The sweet reunion we had in my dream is the way I imagine it will be when we arrive in Heaven and are reunited with Jesus and God and all of our loved ones who arrived before us.

My Search: I was desperate to pull my loved ones out of the pit, but I could not. Only the rescuers could. I have felt like it is my responsibility to save my family, but I know that only Christ can do that.

The end of the world: It is no coincidence that I am studying Genesis at church and have been looking at God's judgment and anger and how it relates to me.

It is amazing to me that God can show us things about ourselves, our loved ones, our fears, are anxieties and our lessons even in our dreams. I dread thinking about what will happen if I cannot share Christ's love with my loved ones and they do not accept his grace. I fear loss. I fear darkness and evil. I fear my past. I fear the future. And until now, I have feared God's judgment.

But as he showed me about my dream, he showed me that I am ready for judgment. I am ready for the end. And although I am in NO hurry, whenever it happens, it is well with my soul. I might miss my children, but I have the assurance of my desitination and of my safety.

Thank you God for all the things you have done, are doing and will do for me. You show me the path even when I don't know I am looking. You are my savior and I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. Amen.

Where is God When ... You're Sinking

I know we all have been there. That sinking feeling you get when the waves of life start crashing around you.

There are family responsibilities, work duties, serving opportunities, church events, cleaning your house, keeping up with your friends, and those are just the regular things. If you throw in a sickness, a financial issue, a problem from your past or something else unexpected, it feels like you might drown at any moment.

That is how I have been feeling lately. Like I am sinking because never-ending waves have hit me over and over. I was fine with the normal waves, but when the unexpected ones hit, they felt like they were more than I could handle.

It's interesting that the Bible study I belong to has been studying Matthew 14 this week, the passage where Jesus' disciples are in a boat in the middle of the night battling enormous waves. And then what has been one of the most mysterious and memorable things that I think Jesus ever did happens - He walks on the water, has one of His disciples walk out to Him and then calms the storm.

I became a Christian when I was 24, and before that I hardly ever set foot in church. I certainly had never read the Bible. But I had heard about Jesus walking on water.

The way it had been referenced in my youth and early adulthood, was when I thought someone was really great, they "walked on water," not that they literally walked on water.

I didn't believe that Jesus literally walked on water because I didn't really believe that Jesus was anything more than a really nice guy who lived a long time ago. To me, the Bible was a story book that might have been true, but since so many of the stories seemed so far fetched, I wasn't sure that they were real.

So when I started going to church when I was 24, I had lots of questions. I ended up going to something called a seekers group for people who had questions about God and the Bible. It was a safe place to learn more about the Bible in an unintimidating way.

This walking on water thing really bothered me. I spent lots of time wondering how anyone could do that, if Jesus actually did or if it was just a nice story someone invented. So one night at the seekers group, in a moment I will never forget, I was bold and asked the pastor, "So what is up with this Jesus guy walking on water." I really wanted to know.

His answer shed some light on one of the biggest truths I would ever learn: if the Bible says it, it is true, even if we don't understand the details.

Now, years later, here I am studying something that intrigued me so much even as a child and seeker of God.

Now, I believe with all my heart that Jesus really did walk on water because I believe in God's power to do anything. And the best part about believing that, is that He has the power to do anything for me.

We can look at the disciple, Peter, who said, "Lord if it is you, let me walk on water," and think that maybe he was asking a lot of Jesus. Do we ever do things like that? Maybe it is more like, "Lord, if it is you, then let me get this job," or "heal my child from the horrible disease," or "give me a sign that lets me know what to do."

Did Jesus really need to let Peter walk to Him on the water to prove He was the Lord? No. But He did anyway. And sometimes, He gives us the signs or healings or other miracles we ask for. And sometimes He doesn't.

So why did He allow Peter to walk on the water to Him? There are many theories and schools of thought. To prove Himself, to show the disciples His power, to give encouragement. I thought it was interesting that Peter was the only disciple who asked to be shown Jesus' power. We might see it as doubt, but Peter was the only one brave enough, with enough faith, to step out of the boat.

So Peter steps out - in faith - and walks toward Jesus. But then his faith wavers and doubts creep in. He starts to sink.

Have you ever started to sink? Have you ever let doubts creep in and mess with your faith? Have you ever been a Peter?

I can so relate to Peter. It is almost like walking across a tall bridge. You can see the safety of the other side and you tell yourself not to look down. But then, you do look down, and you let fear come in.

I can see that God has great things in store for me. I believe God will use all things that have happened to me for my good because He loves me. I believe God can do anything.

But then I am walking across that bridge, and I look down. Well I know God can do it, but will He do it for me? My problem is so much bigger than everyone else's, I think. I can't see how to make it to the other side of this issue I am dealing with so how can God?

So when Peter doubts that he can make it to Jesus, he slowly starts to sink. And then the most amazing thing happens. Jesus doesn't laugh and watch him drown, he reaches down and lifts him out of the water. Peter's faith might have been weak, but it was enough to get him out of the boat, and that was still faith.

So here I am in the middle of a lake, feeling like I am sinking. And there Jesus is - and He has been there the whole time - reaching in and pulling me out. Even my weak faith can't separate me from His love. Romans 8:38 says, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 14:31, "You of little faith. Why did you doubt?"

I know Jesus has been asking me the same questions. "Michelle, you of little faith? Why do you doubt what I can do for you? Why do you doubt that I can do anything?"

I know that there are many reasons why Jesus asked Peter walked to him. I know there are many ways you can look at Jesus walking on water and what it means.

To me, it is showing me that I need to get out of the boat. To me, it means that Jesus is all powerful and can do anything - even walk on water. To me, it represents the way he loves me. To me, it shows that He is lifting me up and carrying me after I start to sink.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago how Jesus walking on water applied to me, I would have told you that it absolutely didn't. But now, as I write this, I feel like it was written just for me, to encourage me, to teach me and to show me that even when my faith is weak, Jesus is there to help me along.

Matthew 14:22-33 - "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."